Evil, thy name is Perfectionism

The Russian Royal Family, Library of Congress

My friend Sonya and I are currently rehearsing a scene from Chekhov's Three Sisters for school, and at the end of rehearsal yesterday we were discussing the evils of perfectionism. We were talking about how being perfect isn't possible and yet we so frequently strive for it in every aspect of our lives.

We try to be perfect actors. When you are trained in the American schools, you are taught or somehow misled to believe that the ideal to be reached is to inhabit your character 100% - to move, breathe, act, talk, think, feel like your character - to believe that you are your character the entire time you are playing them. Sonya and I, both being Type A personalities, have aimed for this in the past when working on characters.

And it drives you crazy.

Why? Because you can never 100% be another person. You would have to have been born another person, to have lived their life in their time period and in all their exact circumstances in order to be them completely. But you will always have been born you. What is an actor to do?!

For a long time, my answer was "do nothing." If you didn't do any work (or claim that you didn't have time to do the work) then you can't be blamed for not making it to 100%. I didn't try, so of course I didn't make it anywhere. I would tell myself that it would be worse if I really tried, and still didn't make it anywhere.

But trying and failing is how you learn.

So, after getting a kick in the pants by reading David Mamet's Theatre (more on that another time), I've let go of the guilt by remembering that 100% is not possible.

Do your work, be prepared, and then get in the room and have fun with it. Don't let the guilt of not being a perfect actor (or person) keep you from being an actor at all.

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My chat with Sonya also reminded me of a conversation I had with a very good friend when I was first starting to study acting. I think I was more of a perfectionist then than I am now.

 He told me:

1. You're not perfect.

2. You're never going to be perfect.

3. No one thinks you're perfect.

These three things blew my mind and surprise me to this day because, at the time, I thought the opposite of each was attainable.

"Perfect" is just an idea. An idea that we define for ourselves, and usually the bar is set beyond what is really achievable. As we begin to renegotiate our own expectations of ourselves, we can live our lives in the direction of achievable goals.

Move towards great acting, not perfect acting.

If you want to take it in another direction and out-think your inner perfectionist:

1. The only thing you can perfect is always being imperfect.

So there, inner perfectionist beast! I'm already imperfect. Try perfecting that, bitch.