When is Self-Help no longer Helpful?

On the platform, reading by moriza

I really love reading. It's one of my favorite things ever. I've been known to read at the dinner table, in math class (sitting in the front row, no less), while watching a movie (probably doesn't count as watching anymore - while listening to a movie), and even while walking (one of my earliest goals in life was to be Belle in Beauty & the Beast).

So, I have a lot of books, but only in a few distinct categories: General Fiction (most of my books), Plays, books about Acting or Theater that aren't Plays, Music Books and books about Music, and a small but well-worn collection of Touchy-Feely books.

Now, what I'm calling Touchy-Feely books are those that tend towards the philosophical "how to live your life & enjoy it" thing. Almost all of these have been given to me over the course of my life, and each of them has helped me in a time of need.

I've found that there will be one lesson in a book that will speak to me, just when I need it, and when I start following the advice/rule/philosophy/lesson, everything in my life seems to simplify itself again.

HOWEVER

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, or stressed, or whatever it is that's not calm and happy, I think "Hey, I'll feel better if I read one of these books!"

Dual-head-mounted-listening-device by x-ray delta one
(I should get one of these)

But then one book turns into three or four. Before I know it, I'm trying to apply not one lesson, but every lesson to my life. Then I remember that I have a set of blogs that I know of that also have hundreds of lessons for me to learn and apply. If I could only live every second of my life the way that these books and blogs are telling me, then I'd feel better, right? RIGHT?

And I always get to a certain point in my self-help binge when I realize that I need to put down the self-help books and listen to myself.


I was feeling bad. Maybe I still am. How about I stop looking for the answers from someone else and ask myself what's wrong? Cause only then can I really begin to feel better.


I need to figure out what I'm feeling, so that I can figure out why I'm feeling that way, so I can figure out how to change or accept things and move on.


I think my self-help addiction comes from one of my favorite little monsters - perfectionism. All of these touchy-feely authors are telling me how to attain perfection, so if I just do what they say then I can be perfect, right? Nope. Perfect doesn't exist. Happy does.

During Week 4 of The Artist's Way, one of your tasks is to NOT READ. This, as I'm sure you can surmise, was extremely hard for me, but it really forces you to be present with yourself. My self-help marathons may be me escaping from my feelings, but suddenly I'm starting to question if reading might be, too.

Messy Artwork by Robert Conrad Photography

Reading deprivation forced me to learn that I don't have to escape into someone else's imagination every time things get hard. Sure, sometimes it's helpful to give yourself a little break before you get down to business, but life is about balance. 

I'm starting to figure out that I don't need to cling to books, be they Touchy-Feely or otherwise, in order to survive life. In fact, sometimes making the active choice to not cling may bring me closer to living my own life, enjoying my own imagination, and being present with the world.

Wow. With all that Touchy-Feely, Self-Helpy stuff that I just wrote, I have to acknowledge that there is some extreme irony in sharing my realization in such a "here's life lesson for YOU" way. Here's a real piece of advice: try not to make my mistake. Don't listen to me. Listen to you.

Maybe now I can get onto being creative and making some sh*t.

Anti-Slump Artist Date

Today I went on a trip to the beach. Just a little, half-hour excursion, just me & my camera.

I've been in a slump the last two weeks - emotionally, creatively, spiritually. The Artist's Way talks a lot about slumps, creative set backs, and generally not feeling up to creating. The advice that is given, over and over, is that creating things, despite how you're feeling, will bring you out of the slump. Having read this advice (over and over) I thought, "Obviously! How many times have you told me? I will SO remember this when I hit a slump."

...I didn't. Until today.

I've been trying to feel better by "relaxing" - watching tv, lounging around - or by trying to "be creative" by working on homework and my show. But, the thing I was missing in all that "relaxing" and "creativy" was PLAY. I wasn't letting myself play around and really enjoy the things I was doing.

When my rehearsal for this evening was cancelled, I went home and started doing the usual, but then I was struck by a whim to get in my car and hit the beach. So I did.

A selection of the fruits of my labor today:

Taken from inside my car, at the stoplight.

I didn't realize as I was taking it, but it almost looks like the foreground is in black and white.

I love silhouettes against sunsets.

Really love them.

And then...I started playing with the functions on my camera. Longer exposure and a receding tide equals moooving pictures:

I had to include this, even though it's so close to the other shots I took (there are so many more versions of this shot in my album from today). The wave is just slightly blurred. Yay movement in still photos.

And one last one, also taken from my car. Sort of a Hail Mary shot. Stuck the camera over my shoulder and pressed the button. I just wanted to colors! I love blue and orange together.

*

I also spent some anti-slump time playing around on Pinterest. I think that's what made me want to take my camera out. It's so great for vision boards and discovering new images that inspire you! It also made me realize that I've been avoiding writing, so it was good to allow myself to be creative in a few different visual ways so that I felt unblocked enough to write again.

Actionable Steps

Up a Winding Path by Steve-h

So, it's Week 8 in The Artist's Way. Week 8's subtitle is "Recovering a Sense of Strength." I think part of this is also recovering a sense of clarity of purpose, or that's what I'm getting out of the two days that I've been in Week 8.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my pseudo-pending move to Los Angeles. As of right now, I'm planning on moving to LA after grad school ends, which isn't until May 2013. It's so far away and fuzzy that it seems like a HUGE deal, and if I think about it too much I get pretty anxious.

This often leads me to ignore it completely.

Working on one of this week's tasks, a Goal Search, is making it seem less fuzzy and more accomplishable.

The Goal Search steps include:
Name your dream.
Name the event that signals the accomplishment of your dream.
In five years, where do you want to be in relation to your dream?
What action can you take this year to move closer to your dream?
This month?
This week?
This day?
Right now?

My dream, as of right now, is to act in movies. There was lots of other soul searching that went into this task, but the point of this post is what I realized at the end of the list of questions. As the goal search forced me to break down the huge task of moving to LA and becoming a movie actor in actionable steps, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Follow the path that you've created for yourself.

I found multiple things that I could work on today that would help me in my eventual career move. And, because the anxiety was gone, I no longer ignored my big fuzzy dream by watching TV on the Internet (and imagining myself as one of these people following my dream), but I did something about it! It's only research at this point, but research now means less research time, being informed and having more fun later.

I often run into a similar problem at the beginning of each quarter of grad school - when I am handed a syllabus that tells me all of the things I will have to accomplish in the next ten weeks, I'm struck by this overwhelming need to finish every single assignment immediately and it's all just too much. When I realize that no teacher expects me to do all of the work at once or to turn everything in the first day, I am able to step back and just work on the next assignment. One step at a time...

So often as creative people our dreams are washed in big strokes of color, hope, and chance. Taking the time to concretize the steps towards a dream may make the dream less glamorous, but so much more achievable.

Los Angeles in a good light by kla4067

Give Yourself Permission

Danbo conoce a Domo - Danbo meets Domo by GViciano

One of the truisms I've learned through my time studying acting (and studying life) is that you're the only person who can give yourself permission. Whatever it is that's holding you back or down, it's you that has the power to overcome that.

I re-learned this just a few days ago when Sonya and I were performing our Chekhov scene in class. We were doing the Natasha/Olga scene from Three Sisters and I was playing Natasha, who gets very upset at Olga.  The scene was going great, but I could tell that the depth of emotion wasn't quite as deep as it could be.

I had been afraid, going into the scene, that everyone watching the scene would think that my character was the bad guy. I knew that there must be some kernel of good in her that causes her to behave so nastily towards her sister-in-law, so I was constantly trying to find ways to show that she wasn't just a cold-hearted bitch. Then I realized that I still thought of her as the bad guy, so I was trying to play against that, rather than allowing myself to be her, whoever she is, and experience the events of the scene.

Once I gave myself permission to really enjoy getting back at Olga for all the shit she's put me through, the scene really took off.

It's so hard because I love Sonya dearly, and didn't want to be mean to her, but sometimes we have to separate what we want to be like as people in the world from what our characters have to do. Once I allowed myself to "go there," it was actually easier to separate the two. I was able to really commit to what I was doing onstage, which made me sure that my classmates would know the difference between that person and me.

This is just one small instance of this truism, but there are many others that I've found.

Give Yourself Permission

• to get angry
• to "go there"
• to be wrong
• to look like an ass
• to not like your teacher
• to try something new
• to hope
• to be scared
• to relax
• to be a person and an actor
• to treat yourself
• to take care of yourself
• to say no
• to say yes
• to use a picture for a blog post that has nothing to do with the blog (although, now that I think of it, he is an angry little monster, isn't he?)

A lot of these have stories behind them, as I'm sure you can tell, but those are other stories for another time. 

Inspiration: On Being Creative

Don't Watch Yourself Drive

Rainy Mid-Night Snack by MSVG

Yesterday in Aikido (one of the classes we have to take for our degree - I love being an actor), Sensei watched my classmate Sean and I while we were practicing a throw. I knew I had done something weird in it, so I made a face. You know, one of those "damn, why did I do that?" faces. Sensei looked and me and said, "Why did you make that face?" I said "I just knew I did something wrong." Sensei then said, "Maybe, but if you're the one correcting yourself then what am I supposed to do? Do you want to take over my job?"

Since then, I've been thinking about judgement. I judge myself so much throughout the day. It's like I'm trying to be my own teacher in order to make myself into a "perfect" student-person every second of the day.

WOW is that not helpful in creativity.

However, as actors, we are often left in the position where we have to direct ourselves. We have to make our own choices and be our own artistic judges. In audition material, for example, or in scene work for class. In auditions, it helps a TON to get a coach, so that you're not trying to both do and watch, but in scene work, your work usually doesn't get seen by the teacher until you go up in class. In rehearsal for scene work, I'm trying to learn how to help myself make artistic choices, but it's so hard not to get caught up in seeing all of the flaws of what you've done to the point where you are no longer acting the scene but watching it.

You have to somehow find the balance between experiencing and critiquing.

In singing, I think it's easier to find because you can record it - so that later you can think about what you heard. In acting, I think it's maybe just a matter of being flexible and being able to switch between the two sides - essentially teacher and student. Be the student while you are doing, and be the teacher afterward when you are observing.

It's a balance that I'm continually trying to find.

And, when I forget, my voice teacher likes to remind me of this by saying "Don't get out of the car in order to watch yourself drive."